I suggest new names for the Washington Redskins.

Washington’s football team of today began in Boston, in 1932, as the Braves, taking that name to match one of the baseball teams there at the time.  The next year, they changed to the Redskins, continuing the Indian motif.  History of the Washington Redskins.  What they couldn’t know was that a perfectly acceptable nickname at the time: Redskins, would come to be slightly derogatory over the years.  Leftist agitators, always seeking to destroy tradition, are now clamoring for them to change their name.  They imagine that somewhere there’s a real Indian who is disturbed about it.  That’s highly doubtful.  Real Indians have more to worry about.  I know, I’m supposed to be 1/16th or 1/32nd Cherokee, according to my Mom, who was only going by what my Dad told her.  But that’s all beside the point.  THE NAME MUST BE CHANGED.

Sports teams often take names that relate to their community.  Like, the Pittsburgh Steelers.  New York Yankees.  Houston Oilers – now defunct.  Miami Dolphins.  New England Patriots.  Oakland Raiders.  Nebraska Cornhuskers.    These are meaningful names you can relate to, not wimpy animal or bird names. 

I want to give the team guidance on picking a new name.  Let’s get a meaningful name for Washington’s team.  Washington is the nation’s capitol, so there are all sorts of names which would be appropriate.  The Washington Taxers.  The Washington Spenders.  The Washington Tax-and-Spenders.  The Washington Regulators.  The Washington Political-Hackers.  The Washington Dimwits.

Take a breath. 

The Washington Fumblers.  The Washington Can-kickers-down-the-road.  The Washington Futility (I sort of like this one.)  The Washington Incompetents. 

The Washington BiPartisans-not.  The Washington Idiots.  The Washington Moneygrubbers – this one might be doubly appropriate, since the players are moneygrubbers too.) 

The Washington Polarizers.  Come into our stadium, and we'll polarize you.

The favorite name I’ve thought of so far: The Washington Gridlockers.

I suspect  you can come up with a better name, but I hope I’ve helped.