Do something special for your Valentine: Have your septic tank pumped.
Of the thousands of words that make up my personal collection of quotations, the word Valentine appears only in that quote.
It is a quotation from Anonymous, and for obvious reason. It’s not the kind of sentimental thing most women — even few men — want to hear on that special holiday devoted to romantic love.
The quote can only be from a septic tank service with a twisted sense of humor or from someone with a twisted sense of humor but no septic tank service.
Lest you think less of me for having saved it in my collection, in my defense I could offer hundreds of quotes in the categories of love and marriage.
They would produce much more favorable results from your loved one.
• If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with love of herself — all that runs over the brim will be yours. — Colton
• Love cures people — both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. — Dr. Karl Menninger
• Devils can be driven out of the heart by the touch of a hand on a hand, or a mouth on a mouth. — Tennessee Williams
• And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. — Kahlil Gibran
• God had created man with free will, for love coerced is no love at all, only submission. — Jon Meacham
• How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved. — Sigmund Freud
• A heart is not judged by how much you love but by how much you are loved by others. — The Wizard of Oz
• Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. — The Wizard of Oz
• Love ... is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. — Iris Murdoch
• Love is what you’ve been through with somebody. — James Thurber
• There is a road from the eye to the heart that does not go through the intellect. — G. K. Chesterton
• Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is. — Rollo May
• Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great. — Roger de Bussy-Rabutin
• Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them. — Sydney Smith, 1771-1845
Mike Hall can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org